When I met a narcissistic Father.

Who are Narcissistic Parents?

Before sharing my experience, we have to understand narcissism in relation to parenting. Narcissistic parents treat their children as a tool to fulfill their desires and fantasies or to cover their own shortcomings. Narcissists raise their children in such a negatively protective manner that the children remain dependent on them even after becoming an adult. This problem has become prevalent and many of us, if not have narcissistic parents, have come across an experience in which narcissistic parents devastate their offspring’s individuality and sense of self.

So, I will share an experience of my life where I eye-witnessed the narcissistic behavior of a father.

My interaction with a Narcissistic Father.

I strongly remember, three years ago I met a man, who came for some technical work in my home. After a while of conversation with my father, he started asking about my education as I was young and looked like a student. He asked me about my current education and college. He was able to uncover that I was at the same stage of education as his son. At that time, I had completed my O level recently and his son had completed the matriculation. In my country O level is equivalent to matriculation.

I saw an expression of a mysterious smile on his face, why shouldn’t he be happy? After all, he had a chance of comparing his son with someone. Without wasting a second, he arrogantly told “ My son got 80% marks” and impatiently asked, “ What are your grades?”. I was deeply saddened about the way he asked and thousands of thoughts started coming to my mind about his attitude towards his son.

It was evident that he was eager to know that my grades were not as good as his son so that he could use his son’s achievement to put me down and feed his narcissism. I instantly decided to not tell him my grades. I had reasonable grades but after observing his attitude, I didn’t want to tell him something which can be a source for him to put me down and use his son’s achievement to prove his superiority.

He didn’t stop here, his upcoming words were melancholic and stone-hearted. When I was finding a way to divert the conversation, he cold-bloodedly said “If my son does not get very high marks, I severely punish him”. Undoubtedly, that was the peak of heartlessness. How can someone be so unkind? I was only thinking about how much mental burden his son has because of him. I felt a strong sense of anger for this man and sympathy for his son. I didn't have any idea what to speak next. My dad, who was closely observing the narcissistic father, shared his thoughts and explained what he is doing is not something to be proud of.

The man went from my home but this incident left a great impact on my mindset. It encouraged me to think about why some parents have such dreadful and demotivating behavior towards their kids and what are the repercussions of this problem that kids and parents have to face in their lives.

My thoughts about the incident.

The man was treating his son as a tool of achieving good marks so that he could prove himself and his son above others in society. And, it seemed like he had some kind of self-insecurity which was forcing him to build an artificial image in front of others. If his son is not able to fulfill his wish, he punishes him.

That is one of the numerous examples of how narcissists ruin the lives of their children. However, Narcissistic parents cannot be entirely blamed because they have developed NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). NPD can be caused by low self-esteem, failures, insecurities and so forth.

Moreover, children should understand that this is not the thing on which they should start hating their parents, instead they should try to inform their parents about the egregious results of their narcissistic personality and how they eventually established it. The kids, teenagers, or even adults, whoever is facing this problem should put efforts to prevent the development of NPD in their selves because sometimes narcissistic parents produce narcissistic kids.

What Parents can do to get rid of narcissism?

Parents would have to realize that their kids have their desires, sense of self, and identity. Children are not part of their parents they have their separate existence. Treat them like a conscious human who can think, who has personal goals, and who can do something which the parents don’t like.

Parents first have to identify their narcissistic behavior and admit that it is destroying the lives of their children. Then the parents can take some steps to end their narcissism. As it is a psychological disorder, parents can also consider therapy if they are unable to eradicate their narcissism.

The main point here is that parents can influence or convince their children in their lives regarding what to do and what not to. However, imposing their flawed mentality on the children is not desirable in any condition. For example, the father, whom I have discussed earlier, could have influenced his son to study hard and get good grades instead he destroyed his self-esteem by punishing him.

The parents should act like friendly role models for their children, not the authoritarians imposed on them.

Ideal parents are those whose parenthood are wholeheartedly celebrated not regretted by their kids